Ridiculous Resolutions
by scarlettcat
Summary: Hermione makes a New Year's resolution. Draco counters with one of his own. Written for dormiensa. :)


"I've finally decided what my New Year's resolution is going to be," Hermione announced with a tone of importance.

Sprawled out on the couch in their shared common room, Draco looked up from the Quidditch magazine he was reading and drawled in a bored tone, "You're going to finally tame that obnoxious hair of yours?"

Hermione frowned. "No."

"You're going to stop being a bloody know-it-all?"

"No."

"You're going to stop butting into other people's business?"

"No," replied Hermione, narrowing her eyes.

"You're going to–"

"Fix you," Hermione finished.

"What!" exclaimed Draco, sitting up and looking at her like she was crazy.

"I'm going to fix you. You know, make you a better person," she said, dropping into the seat next to him.

"Aren't New Year's resolutions supposed to be about fixing yourself?" asked Draco pointedly.

"But there's nothing wrong with me," said Hermione simply.

"Oh, right," Draco grumbled. "I forgot you were little Miss Perfect."

"I can't help who I am, Draco. I just happen to be very organized, and I've already accomplished everything on my life to-do list."

"You have a list for your life?" Draco asked incredulously.

"Of course. Don't you?" asked Hermione snootily, looking down her nose at him.

"No," Draco scoffed. "I prefer not to plan every last detail of my life."

"Well, that's where you went wrong," Hermione scolded. "I'll make one for you. I had to do Harry's and Ron's as well."

"Whatever happened to being spontaneous?"

"Spontaneity is just a euphemism for being unorganized. It's for loafers and for people who wish to die an early, meaningless death."

Draco rolled his eyes. "What do you even put on a life to-do list?"

"Goals you want to accomplish to make your life worthwhile. For example, one of my goals was to save the wizarding world. And I checked that off my list when I defeated Voldemort over the summer."

Draco raised his eyebrow at her.

"Okay," Hermione conceded, "Harry may have helped... a little. But I made Head Girl based on my merits alone. And if I do say so myself, I'm doing a smash up job of it despite the dead weight Head Boy I got stuck with. I'm also top of my class just like I planned, and I passed my N.E.W.T.s with honors. So, check, check and check."

"We haven't even taken N.E.W.T.s yet," Draco protested.

"I have," said Hermione pompously. "I got special permission from the Wizarding Examinations Authority to take my N.E.W.T.s early. I received the highest score in 500 years. And I've already been pre-approved for a job at the Ministry as an Unspeakable, which I suppose I really shouldn't talk about. My personal life is also in good order. I am surrounded by a supportive and loving group of family and friends who care about me. My life is perfect. Yours on the other hand..."

"Is none of your business."

"You have no friends."

"What about Crabbe and Goyle?" Draco asked indignantly.

"Your idiotic minions don't count."

"And your moronic sidekicks do?" Draco retorted.

"You have no ambition," continued Hermione, ignoring him.

"I'm Head Boy, aren't I?"

"Yes," said Hermione, pursing her lips. "The dead weight I mentioned earlier."

"My Head duties always get done. On time, I might add."

"Not by you."

"I'm more of a delegator."

"More like slacker."

Draco shrugged. "Potato, patahto."

"You have no career prospects."

"I don't need any. I'm bloody rich."

"But your attitude is quite poor. You really need a complete personality overhaul. I do believe I have my work cut out for me. This New Year's resolution is going to be quite the challenge."

Draco scowled. "You know, a lot of girls think I'm perfect just the way I am."

"A lot of girls have pretty low standards. Low self-esteem, I suspect."

"Oh, yeah?" said Draco angrily. "Well, at least my hair is perfect. You, on the other hand, have a ginormous bush on your head."

"Ooh, that's good," said Hermione, grabbing a piece of parchment from the table and jotting down some notes. "Vain and superficial," she mumbled out loud.

"What are you doing?"

"Making a list of your character flaws. Then I can just check them off as I go."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of," scoffed Draco.

Hermione started writing again. "Lacks understanding and knowledge of basic organizational skills."

"I meant that it's stupid that you're trying to change me. I'm fine the way I am. But I think your list is stupid too."

"Delusional," said Hermione, scribbling it down.

"You're delusional," Draco spat.

"Mediocre comebacks," Hermione muttered as she wrote.

Draco scowled.

"Anger issues," Hermione continued.

"I am not changing," Draco stated adamantly.

"Change is scary, huh?" said Hermione sympathetically, patting his arm soothingly while adding "cowardice" to the list.

"I am not scared of change. And I am not a coward!" Draco snapped. "I happen to like who I am."

"Poor taste," said Hermione, shaking her head at the growing list.

Draco snatched the parchment out of her hands, and crumbling it up, threw it into the fireplace. "That's what I think of your list."

"That's okay. I have a mental checklist," said Hermione, tapping her head.

"I don't need fixing! Make a new resolution," Draco ordered.

"No," said Hermione stubbornly. "I am resolved to fix you."

"Well, two can play at this game," huffed Draco. "I'm going to make a resolution to fix you."

"I told you. I've already checked off everything on my list. My life at the moment is a figurative bed of roses. The only thorn in it all is the one stuck in my side. You. Thus my resolution."

"What about your love life?" Draco asked smugly.

"What about it?" Hermione bristled.

"You don't have one. No one to share that lovely bed of roses with. Why don't you resolve to get yourself a boyfriend instead of bothering me?"

"Because I don't need a boyfriend," huffed Hermione. "I am a strong, independent woman who–"

"Needs to get laid," Draco finished with a smirk.

"I do not... need to get laid."

"I bet you've never even had an orgasm," Draco taunted. "Probably the reason you're so uptight."

"I am not uptight," Hermione snapped.

"Probably the reason you're so angry too."

"I am not angry!"

"Delusional too. I'll add that to my mental checklist," said Draco, tapping his head.

Hermione scowled. "Mock me all you want, but I am resolved to fix you, Draco Malfoy," she said determinedly. "No matter what it takes."

"And I'm resolved to get you laid," Draco retorted. "No matter what it takes."

"Your resolution is ridiculous!" Hermione snapped.

"So is yours!" shouted Draco.

"My resolution is for your own good," said Hermione, poking him hard in the chest.

"Well, my resolution is for your own good," said Draco, leaning in until they were nose to nose.

"Oh, yeah?" said Hermione, losing her bluster as she was slightly distracted by his closeness.

"Yeah," replied Draco, his eyes involuntarily glancing down at her lips.

"How good?" she asked, biting her lip.

"Really good," he said, giving her a wicked smile.

Hermione's eyebrow quirked. "Rather sure of yourself, aren't you?"

"I'm very resolved," replied Draco, smirking before leaning in to kiss her.

When they finally broke apart, Hermione said a little breathlessly. "Perhaps our resolutions aren't so very different after all."

"Or that ridiculous," added Draco, kissing her neck. "In fact, I'm feeling friendlier already."

"And I'm feeling much less uptight," sighed Hermione, arching her body to give Draco better access.

"I'm just getting started," murmured Draco as he continued to kiss his way down her body. "Perhaps, I'll start a mental checklist of my own."

"I highly recommend it," gasped Hermione as he hit a particularly sensitive spot. "It's quite satisfying to check an item off the list."

"Mmmm. I bet it is. My list is growing quite long though. So many things that still need to be checked off," said Draco, clucking his tongue. "I do believe I have my work cut out for me. This New Year's resolution is going to be quite the challenge."

"I'm pretty sure you're up for it," murmured Hermione confidently.

"I've been up for it for a while now," said Draco softly.

"You have?" asked Hermione in surprise.

Draco nodded. "Since the beginning of the school year."

"So, what took you so long?" asked Hermione, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips.

"There was a lot of plotting and planning involved," replied Draco offhandedly.

"Whatever happened to being spontaneous?" Hermione teased.

"And die an early, meaningless death? I think not."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Happy New Year, Draco."

"I have a feeling it will be," Draco replied. Smirking, he quickly got back to work on his to-do list. This was one resolution he planned to keep.


End file.
